3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
