You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
