hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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