i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
