At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
