Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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