Im at strip club and am horny
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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