Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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