I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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