never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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