Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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