my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
