There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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