just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
