She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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