It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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