I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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