rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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