You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
