You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
