If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
