i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
