i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
