Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
