Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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