just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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