My nipple is on Facebook.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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