Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
