Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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