My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
