He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
