i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
