happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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