just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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