one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize