sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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