and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
