i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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