dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
