ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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