Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
