I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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