And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
