Pants 0. Shit 1.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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