That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
