I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize