Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
