Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize