oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
