I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
honey bunches of taint.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
