So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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