you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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