Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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