tonight lets celebrate not being married
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
