Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
