Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
3 2 1 whiskey
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
