I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
