that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
