dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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