i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
