soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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