If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
