just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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