One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
