hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
